Begin by breathing, one breath at a time one day at a time. One in front of the other, slowly, painfully, heartbreakingly but surely, until you see that the light is at the end of a long tunnel. I'm getting somewhat nearer to the end of the tunnel but it's hard and it aches - a lot. No one prepared me for this. Nothing in my life till now comes close to the devastation that heartbreak causes to your psyche. It's only been four months and in some ways the pain is worse although dulled slightly. How do you begin to come to terms with betrayal so appalling you can't believe humans could behave like this?
How does someone with a good loving heart deserve such brutal treatment at the hands of the love of her life - the same man who declared such love only weeks before the breakup? No sense or reason - feelings of enormous loss, loneliness, mistrust, abject misery at times, a torrent of tears. I went from being with a man I honestly thought I was going to marry (he did propose in a fashion) to absolutely bereft & on my own - even his entire family have cut us like a cancer. Where does that come from?
A family I regarded as my second family - loved a lot. My teenage daughter also reeling at the loss of people she loved & respected. No real explanations that carry meaning - just platitudes about needing space, about financial stress... but we were in this together so anything was surmountable wasn't it? Obviously not! With this kind of heartbreak it's easy to slip into constant misery. Easy to want to go to sleep & never wake up - but not an answer for anyone. Least of all for loved family members who will feel helpless but incredibly sympathetic.
After just breathing & taking one day at a time, don't be afraid to talk until exhaustion - get it out into the open. Your family & close friends will understand - talk to them - tell them what you are feeling, cry, vent, yell, scream, walk, run, write a journal of your feelings but do something to alleviate some of the stress. Above all else don't buy into the belief that you are not worthy or that you are less because he or she abandoned you. It is their loss & their own personal demons that they will have to deal with. You are not less - just different & maybe ultimately much better. Don't judge yourself by what they have done to you (as difficult as that can be) but rather pick yourself up piece by piece & empower yourself to not only recover but discover purpose, drive & a better future.
I've done this for myself & some of the methods learned have helped me enormously. In fact they are beginning to carve out a whole new life path. One that promises healing as well as helping others do the same. You are not alone in your heartbreak. Unfortunately it's all too common & too painful. You think you are alone & in some ways only you can process the pain within yourself but you can get help.
Empowering yourself is so beneficial. Reading, learning, self help with the aid of online studies, home DVD courses, e-books, articles, reading stories of others' heartbreak only to realize you are not alone - that support is close by in the form of education, finding your inner passion & following it. Loved ones to help steer you through the shadows & out into the light of day. Listen to music - lots of it - some songs will help you cry, others to draw strength from & more to lift you up & succeed. Follow your hearts' desires when it comes to what excites you. Learn to love yourself again & then one day you will attract the partner who won't abandon you when times get tough - he or she will stand by you & you will be happy again. I know I will too - just not yet - more growing & learning to do. More people to touch, learn from & hopefully inspire as well.
